Two months after Peanut's birth as I start teaching classes again, I feel pretty good about my birth experience
It was not the case for a while. I wanted an unmedicated, physiological birth. I did so many things to prepare not only mentally but physically.
Practicing hypnosis and meditation everyday was nothing new to me. I have been meditating daily for the past 15 years. However with the pregnancy, I did more of a birth focused practice.
Physically I did MAT (Muscle Activation Technique) weekly. I did have a yoga practice before pregnancy but being so nauseous for most of my pregnancy, getting on the mat was the last thing I wanted to do. As I got closer to the guess date, I started practicing the Spinning Babies¬Æ Three Sisters of Balance and the Daily Essentials activities. My husband and I had a really good routine with it. It felt relaxing and helped with any discomfort I might have had on the day. We would go for daily walks and I got to rest quite a bit beforehand, for which I am so thankful.
Despite all this, Peanut did not drop or engage before labor. I knew that, mentioned it to a few people and the response I got was 'Baby is not ready'
This bothered me so much because I knew that when a baby is engaged before labor it usually makes for a smoother birth. I understand that birth just happens, that babies are born everyday and that babies tend to rotate in labor, of course... But I have always wondered if there was anything we could do to facilitate the process and that is how I came across Gail Tully 's work and took my first training with her in 2013.
I have been looking at birth in a different way since then. I have been thinking Spinning Babies¬Æ for years now when it comes to birth, so much so that I became a Spinning Babies¬Æ Parent Educator.
The idea is that babies are an active participant in birth and that sometimes we can help them find the exit better. It does not always work of course but why not try and see if we can help a dysfunctional labor ( a very long labor or with irregular surges or very painful) progress more smoothly...
So here I was before labor, doing what I would recommend to a client and knowing that things were not fully aligned yet. Then in early labor, when I mentioned to my midwife that baby was high and that I felt a hand in the front and she did not pick up on what I was saying at all. Then later, when it seemed that things were not progressing or rather progressing slowly when I asked if maybe Peanut was in posterior presentation (which the midwife acknowledged), and then during pushing, when I asked if she Peanut was stuck because I was experiencing back labor and she kept on hitting the same spot... Nothing was done!
In my mind I knew something was off and I thought about what I could do but Does a girl have to spin her own baby in her own labor??? I mean really?
At first I was really angry and felt unheard (which I was), the midwife even mentioned in my birth report that I was not letting go enough of my trainings therefore she was thinking that maybe I was holding the birth process back...
It took a while to let go of the anger. I still feel that maybe if someone had done some Spinning Babies¬Æ with me during labor, she would not have engaged in a posterior presentation and she would not have come down in a asynclitic position either and she would not have needed to be vacuumed out...
The truth is no one was trained to assess things in the way Spinning Babies¬Æ does other than me. I had an anterior placenta which can encourage a posterior presentation and loose ligaments because I was born was born with hip dysplasia. Quite the combination...
All this takes a while to unpack and I am thankful that I have the tools and the support to process my feelings and talk it out. I do not wish to bring trauma to my life as a mother and in my daughter's life nor do I want to bring any negativity or be triggered when working with a client or when I am teaching classes.
I will however offer more Spinning Babies¬Æ support to clients who take my classes and make myself available at any time for a home and in labor visit when someone has a dysfunctional labor.
Ultimately I am very proud of myself, my husband and Peanut. I was able to have a positive and empowering birth and that is my wish for every one giving birth.